I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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