I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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