She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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