Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
