i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
