mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
