Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
