So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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