so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
