Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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