You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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