Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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