i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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