Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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