you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
