11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize