The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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