??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
