I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
