Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
