Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
