Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
