my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
