Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
