I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
