I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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