Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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