They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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