Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
