You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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