Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
