It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
