I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
