Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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