I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
