"it" just moved
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
