hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
