Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
