he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
