maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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