Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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