Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
