After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
