I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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