Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
try to milk me bitch
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
