I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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