what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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