party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
