i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
