On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
