i need an iv and a liver transplant
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
