508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I've blown a few things in my day
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
