I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
