physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
