: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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