You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
