Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
