i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
