I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
