She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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