All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
they're like a gay fantastic four
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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