get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
