I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
