Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
