dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
