Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
