I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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