It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
