it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
