I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
