Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
