And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
