this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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