i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I intend to get homeless drunk
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
