I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
