If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
