All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
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