it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
