guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I AM VODKA MAN
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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