someone get that fucking seahorse.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
