I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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