when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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