I just cut my nipple shaving
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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