dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
