the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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