Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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