I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
