Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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