I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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