you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
