Duck Duck Cougar?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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