its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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