he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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