Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
