dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
