mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
