It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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