Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
