I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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