YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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