Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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