can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
