Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
