Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
