I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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