I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
