I accidentally burped into my bong.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
God, I missed his penis.
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